I've been emailing a lot with Liam's 5th grade teacher. I'm feeling very down at the moment about Liam and school. I was a horrible student, hated school, was the "isn't living up to her potential" poster child. So, I totally get Liam and his lackadasical attitude. He's artistic and a dreamer and it just doesn't matter to him. Add to that the TS and school is pretty much his lowest priority. So as a mom, I'm going nuts and pulling my hair out and trying to yell, cajole, punish, reward, anything that will get him to do what he's supposed to be doing because he's my baby and I want the best for him. As a person, I totally get where he is right now and can relate absolutely. Part of me thinks that it would be easier to pull him from "normal" school and homeschool him. But I don't think that would be the best thing for him- he's a social being and loves being around other kids. I also think being forced to learn how to organize and get his work done on his own and fit into the "normal" world is important for him. Then I sometimes wonder, how much of his energy at school is being spent on trying to hold in his tics?
The upshot of all of this is that we're going in to talk to his teacher this afternoon to try to get him on track academically. Fingers crossed that we will come up with some solutions to make our lives not a constant battle at homework time.
CBT will only get you so far, I have found. I have found this to be so true and applies to ANY child but more particularly so with my Tourette's child, we want them to do their work and pass and get good grades b/c it's what's best for them. But at some point, we must let go and let them start seeing the consequences for their lack of work. They have to "want" to do it, not us wanting them to do it. If they don't want to do it then we sit there, hours on end, frantic, yelling, and causing both them and us more stress than we need. I'm not saying give up on his work, but since Michael has found he doesn't like the consequences of getting a zero for incomplete work, he himself has made so much more effort to complete the work, even if he isn't interested in it, ie, reading and writing. He loves the praise and the freedom it allows him to have. I'm not saying it will work but what can it really hurt? You get a few nights of less stress and worry. I know how it gets you down and I hope this can encourage you a bit. We can't ever give up but at some point we have to allow them to suffer the consequences and can't be held hostage in our own home for hours on end trying to make them do something they really don't want. I hope this makes some sense. You are an AWESOME mom and he is so lucky to have you as his support team!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the nice compliment!
ReplyDeleteI don't think he cares. I tried at the beginning of the year to step back and let him do his own thing and not even ask, but we ended up with him coming home everyday saying "I just have to fill out my reading log". I hear what you're saying, I think he needs to figure out a lot for himself, but I think for now he needs pretty constant reminders to stay on task. This does not mean me standing over him telling him what the answers are, jsut fairly constant reminders to keep working.
I'm not expecting miracles from CBT or CBiT, but I'd love to give it a shot and see if it's helpful :)