The med decision, again

In August we opted to put Liam on clonodine. I had a tough time with this. I am very hesitant to take any kind of medications and try to even avoid the antibiotics that most people scream for as soon as they get sick. I have been known to throw out pain killer prescriptions without getting them filled.

It was a tough choice to go on the clonodine, but one I felt was right at the time for Liam. I had a rough time with the way it was put across to us and am still trying to trust our neurologist. He asked Liam if he could take a pill once a day that would make the tics go away, would he take it? This seemed so unfair to me. Children are not equipped to make those decisions and there are other considerations. And what if it didn't work.

We finally opted to try out the clonodine and it seemed to help for awhile. With Liam's current moodiness and anxiety, I've started to wonder if this is really what we should be doing.

I called his neurologist today to have a chat with him and discussed the options. I'm so conflicted and scared. Part of me feels like I'm going down this path kicking and screaming. What are these meds doing to his body? It's a blood pressure medication and when we do miss a dose his whole little body gets so thrown. I was very honest and told his neurologist that I'm terrified of going down the path of multiple drugs one to help the tics, one to help the anxiety, one to help the moods. He told me he agreed and does not diagnose meds lightly and that he'd really like it if we didn't give up the time and investment we've put into this course. So hear I am, crying, agreeing to up the dose.

We have a little pillow that Brian's aunt gave him when Diane was born that says "Children Don't Come With Instruction Manuals". I keep thinking of that little pillow and wishing that someone would tell me what the right choice is.